her vagine was all disorganized.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
