Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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