there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
