The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Your cock deserves a montage
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
