The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
