i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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