you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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