It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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