great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
