i don't like sucking hair
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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