so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just pee around me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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