i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
