9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
