Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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