I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
