I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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