Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
