so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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