you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize