i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
