also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
