smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
