I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
