look no pants
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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