Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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