She announced her abortion via fbk
i wish my penis had a tongue
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
