Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When are your genitals available?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
