Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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