How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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