sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
