There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize