We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
