best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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