The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
