I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
