I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
