i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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