ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
