HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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