her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
