Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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