Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
