so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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