You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I smell stomach acid.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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