I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
that is very illegal...i love you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
