You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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