Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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