What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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