the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
