apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize