everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
