i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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