Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were destined to go to rehab together
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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