About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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