does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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