can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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