She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
