Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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