it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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