remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
