Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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