If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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