This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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