my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
