i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I need water and some morals
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
