So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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