I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
