1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
