I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
