Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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