Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
