I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
