I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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