He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
