Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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