Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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