Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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