My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
