i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
