Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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