Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
