So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
