I think I am morally bankrupt
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
