I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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