Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
