Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were trust falling into bushes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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