Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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