I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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