I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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