my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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