We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
