don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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