How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
