You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
