I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
