So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
