Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
