My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
