where am i from again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
