so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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