So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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