As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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