4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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