i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize