i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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