Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
