I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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