why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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